"I've Carried My Misery Into Other Relationships": Redefining and Healing Self From the Intimate Dysfunction of Sibling Mental Ill-Health

The potential negative impact of a child's mental ill-health on a parent or carer is well known. However, little research has explored the impact of a child's mental ill-health on other children in the family. This study explored the positive and negative subjective interpretations of growing up with a sibling with mental ill-health. A purposive sample provided the unique data through semistructured interviews. Data analysis was guided by the protocols of interpretative phenomenological analysis. Two major superordinate themes emerged: (a) relics and birthright and (b) growing me. First, relics and birthright overarched three subordinate themes: unease of childhood, sibling bond whether you like it or not, and the legacy of intimate dysfunction. Second, growing me overarched four subordinate themes: mental health empathy, the choice to grow, redefining and healing myself, and life truths I've learned along the way. Thematically, findings captured a journey through childhood of unpredictability, disenfranchized grief, and developing strategies necessary to keep self and other safe. A dichotomous sibling bond was splattered with the intensity of disappointment, blame, sadness, even death juxtaposed with moments of excitement, fun, and grateful joy. Entering adulthood, participants cultivated an empathic perspective toward others with mental ill-health generating acts of compassion and kindness. Ultimately, an acceptance that life is a journey with no destination, fear, uncertainty, and loss in childhood facilitated growth in adult life. The process of recovery from traumatic distress to posttrauma growth is supported through a meticulous rebuilding of the narrative that embraces genuine empathy, self-reparative insight, and authenticity.